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I am so mad at myself right now and I.Hate.Living.Where.I.Do.  It makes me want to run far, far away and NOT look back!  I gave up a life and family, friends a thousand miles away to come back to this?!  Seriously!?  My dad is dead, do not speak to step-Mom anymore because she hardly ever returns my phone calls because she lives in a holler and cannot get cell reception (I find it awful funny that her daughter/granddaughter can though, just two feet up from her, but whatever) and said daughter/granddaughter has messed her around so much in Landline phone charges that she cannot afford a regular Landline phone anymore. (Daughter/granddaughter are both terribly narcisstic, white trash ho’s who dumps their children off on her to friggin raise because they cannot and will not be bothered!  And they do not give her any money for it either.  Basically, if SM did not take care of them, those kids would totally be raising themselves OR be in foster care because the kiddo’s mom and grandma sucks ass) —back to my rant!—  My parents are dead, my brothers wife is mad at me because I am not yess’ing and amen’ing her on a subject that she is wrong about.. and she cannot stand it!  I am sorry, but I cannot and will not get into that crap and drama.  I value my sanity wayyy too much!  I have done my best to be nice to her and listen to her and empathize with her, but unless I am all up in her butt about it, she thinks I am mad at her. Guh!!  Cannot win for losing with her.  Seriously.  In the meantime, I just stay away because mainly, I have my own life to lead and I do manage to stay busy more days than not. 

My older sister is a “B-word” and she pretty much does not like me and anything I stand for all because of a phone bill.  A word to the wise, it is *NEVER* wise to let family be on one’s cell phone plan indefinitely.  Or to lend them money with the expectation of ever getting that money back.  Buh-bye money!  Never see you again; hope you have a nice life!  My oldest sister is also a very, very fake person who deems anyone not rich or thin, as anyone she wants to be around and has no use for.  Seeing.as I am far from either of these things, she does not have any use for me.  And I am cool with that because I have ZERO tolerance for fake people. 

My younger sister is an uber super-duper Godly Christian woman that has to pray and fast more often than not.  A lot of people would think she is fake, but she is not. She truly should have been a Nun in a convent.  Seriously.  She is fairly close to perfect and has done little wrong in her life.  Okay.  So, she really is not a bad person and I love her and she loves me .. but we have our moments and they mainly concern her drug-addicted husband who is an idiot and I would like to hurt him sometimes.  And that does not even begin to cover the issues with him and thus, her.  My brother’s wife and older sister are pretty much just alike in a lot of ways (controlling, confronters, have to have things their way, and OMGoodness!, they both heart drama.  Many, many times over.  And then some.)  They do not get along with each other .. never really has and never really will .. and so, the family generally cannot get together but *maybe* once a year together because it is EXTREMELY uncomfortable being in the same room with them.. and believe me, anything with them can be used for tender in starting an all-out fire.  Yes, seriously.  So, hardly any family get togethers because of these two heiffers and Baby Sis is the all-time defender of Older Sis.  It does not matter on what it is, she will defend her till the death whether or not it is deserved.  Believe me, I have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and the book! 

And to think, I gave up my family, friends, life, great job for ALL of this dysfunction?!  Oh good gravy.  I could have handled the stuff going on with my ex-hubby if I had just seen a foreshadowing of what life was going to be like here.  Someone please send me some Calgon so it can take me away!  Hopefully, far, FAR away!! 

And now everyone knows just how dysfunctional this biological family of mine really is.  Blood truly is NOT thicker than water.  I have experienced it firsthand.  I pray that I get that experience once again. 

2 strikes

I am aggravated.  I have been for the past few days.  My sis-n-law decides the other day that the fake tree I bought from her about this time last year, is now hers because she just loves it so much and now that it doesn’t have a smell to it anymore, she just thinks she will keep it.  Without consulting me!!!  My brother is the one who told me about it.. and said it so non-chalantly that he did not think it would matter.  In one way, it doesn’t matter but yet, in other ways, it really does!  I will let her have the tree back because I do know that she loved it (as do I)..so, she can keep it.  What aggravates me is that she thinks she can just decide something and it is hers.  That’s it; that’s all there is to it in her mind.  The other thing that aggravates me is that she texts me telling me to listen to a certain radio channel at a certain time and when they announce the contest question (or whatever they are doing), then to call a certain number because she wants to get surprise tickets to a certain local event for her daughter and hubs.  And then she added, as an afterthought, “please and thank you”.  Grrrr!!  Did she even stop to think that just maybe..if I won those tickets, that just mayyybee *I* might want to use them for my kids and me?!  No.  No, she didn’t think if that because deep down, she is a selfish person.  Oh she tries to pretend that she isn’t, but she is.  They have the money to BUY the darn tickets!!  Am.Just.So.Aggravated! 

Second strike against her so far this week.  We better pray there isn’t a third strike or hair is liable to fly. 

Perimenopause and Me

I am in perimenopause.  And I just turned 41.  I always thought that perimenopause happens just right before menopause permanently hits, but it does not.  Or at least, not in a lot of cases.  And however bad I hate perimenopause, I am not wanting permanent menopause to be right around the corner.  Why?  Pretty much because I am a little vain and I do not want to grow old.  Whatever that is.  The older I get, the age for “old” sure does get later and later in life.  Funny how that works 😉

I did not realize that the symptoms I have been having were related to perimenopause.  The mood swings (and boy, do I mean *mood swings*!), the little bit of weight that I have gained in just the “not-so-right-places”.  Truly, it isn’t even but maybe a pound or two, but it is in places that makes my jeans fit a tad bit tight.. and no matter what I do, it just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.  And lets not talk about the stiffer joints and aches/pains that that hit us!  It used to be my right knee (with good reason!  I tore my acl thingie in 1999 and then re-injured it early in 2005) and my left knee was good.  Now, my left knee hurts (I do not know the reason) and my right knee is good!  Which I am thankful for the right knee!  But really?!  Why do my knees have to hurt at all?!  Oh yeah! I forgot.  Perimenopause.  And speaking of that, the memory goes too!  I dont mean Alzheimers type, but more like one just looses track of what they were doing and/or talking about.  Even if it was just said 5 minutes before.  That makes a body feel old real quick. 

These are the symptoms I am having.  I still have a period.. pretty much the same type of flow and such as I have been having since I got on birth control at 18 years old.  For the record, I am not and haven’t been on bcp’s since 2000.  Just sayin’ 🙂 

On the subject of mood swings.. Oh! My! Word!  These things are way worse than any kid going through puberty!  These hormones are all jacked up on major steroids and they hit out of the blue, go away just as quick, and then come back in the next nano-second just as PISSED OFF as one was the first time!!!  Whew!  Talk about a roller coaster ride!  I don’t like’em one little bit!  Mostly because I am afraid I may actually lay hands on someone in one of those moments.  It is a horrible roller coaster ride from hell, these mood swings!  And the reason why I say pissed off in all caps is because there just is NO other term that fits and describes it better.  Personally, I don’t see how a bunch of people hasn’t just disappeared of this earth.  I’m talking about in bunches, not just one at a time.  Seriously.

Well, I’m going to hush up about this but I had to get it off of my chest.

Can anyone testify to this?! :D. Holler if you can! Lol

6-27-2012, Wednesday

We had grilled pork chops, broccoli-carrots-cauliflower vegetable blend, and creamy seasoned rice for supper tonight.  Oh!  We also had sliced cucumbers spring salad (whatever it is called.  It is sliced cucumbers w/onions, salt, apple cider vinegar and a bit of water.  The water dilutes the ACV just a bit ..not a lot of water is needed.)  Anywho, supper was pretty darn good.  My teens loved it, so SCORE! Lol! 

Not a whole lot went on today.. my teens are still working this summer.  They have a couple more weeks of work and then they are done for the summer.  And I believe they will miss it and the friends they have made at work.  My daughter will miss seeing Boo Boo while at work.  Boo Boo is one of the workers little boy.  Of course, Boo Boo is only a nickname.. and my daughter is completely smitten with him!  She says that I would be too, if I seen him.  Like daughter, like mother!  😀 That is why I am disappointed to only have had two kiddos.  I always wanted more.. even if it was just one more.  I guess that was not in God’s plan for my life.  Sometimes I don’t understand how or rather, why life pans out the way it does, but I guess that is not for me to worry about.

I have started working on eating right and walking.  I was walking fairly regularly, but have strayed from it a few days due to one thing or another coming up.  I really need to get back on that walking path again.   I need someone to be accountable to.  And I reckon I have PO’d the older sister and her daughter.  They were walking with me, but not so much anymore.  I know that the older sister views me as uncouth and not presentable to “society”.  By that I mean that she views me about as redneck as possible.  Which, I do admit that my neck has a certain amount of red to it, but I am not what she thinks.  No offense to anyone.  I would much rather be around rednecks or someone who is being themselves and is happy being themselves than with any uppity-ups who pretends to be someone/something they are not. 

But that is just me. 😉

As I was saying, I have been watching what I eat..portion control, wiping out as much sugar as possible, and just trying to reign in Carbs, fat, and sodium.  Mostly though, cutting out sugars, fat, and watching Carbs.  I swear there are about as many “diet” plans as there are people on this planet.  Some plans say, “no Carbs! Carbs are your enemy # 1!”  And then others say that Carbs are okay.. blah, blah, blah.  Basically, I am working on balancing everything.  Smaller portions, if not correct portions.  Seriously as little sugar as possible as well as fat grams.  And walking.  Maybe those things combined will help make differences in me. 

Welp, Big Bang Theory is calling my name, so I’m out of here.  Good night! 

My Dad

Today is a hard day for me.  It is my sixth Father’s Day without my Dad here on this earth.  I generally try not to think of it too much on this day.. just kind of labor contractions, take each moment as it comes and work through it.  For the most part, it works on this day. 🙂 

I miss him all of the time.  Every single day that goes by, I wish I could see him and talk with him.. get one more hug and kiss on his cheek.. smell the Old Spice that he loves to wear.  I cannot smell Old Spice without thinking of my Dad. 🙂 

The wisdom that my Dad had was far beyond what any college education that could be had.  My Dad had an Eighth grade education at best, but he was far smarter and wiser than any booksmart person I have ever met.  Dad was loyal, kind, always playing a trick on us kids or probably anybody that he deemed his friend.  Dad was also tough, had a temper that could only be defined as a “******** temper”.  Heaven help the person that was on the receiving end of that famous temper.:)  I smile about that, but it was no smiling matter, that is for sure! 

I have three siblings (one brother and two sisters) that I had the pleasure of sharing Dad with.  Dad taught us many things while we were growing up.  He taught us love others, be kind to others, to stand up for ourselves, as well as anyone else that needed it.. but to also never be a bully.  He often told us to never back away from a fight, but to also never start one either.

Dad also taught us the love of God and always took us to church.  Many, many times the church we attended only had my siblings and me, my Mom and Dad, in attendance.  And then, more often than not, it was in churches that held way more people.:)  He taught us to never give up.. that God was always there for us and with us. 

My Dad was not a perfect man, but when he made mistakes he would own up to them.  That helped us kids to see that even Dad’s are not superman, but indeed, a hero nonetheless. 

I am thankful for the time we had him on the earth.  I am even more thankful that I talked to him the day before he passed away.  I got to say my good-byes and he knew how much I loved him.  He was so tired and weak that afternoon, so we did not talk long.  I did not want to wear him out, so I let him go.  Besides, he had company too.  I do not have any regrets with Dad.  He knew me and I knew him.  We loved each other. 

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!  I know you are in a better place and I am happy to know that.  Give Mom a kiss for me please and tell her I love her, too.  I miss you both.  I will see y’all one day.:)  I love you, Daddy.

Friday

My Friday in bullets:

*  took Sis and Bub to orientation for work

*  what was supposed to be a 15 minute orientation turned into a bit over an hour

*  took Sis to school so she could help finish up the yearbook, so it can be sent to publisher

*  had birthday lunch with my sisters and son

*  lunch was very nice but rushed!

*  met a couple of long lost cousins while at lunch. 

*  It was very good to see said cousins!

*  cousins are from my Dad’s side of my family

*  it is like having Dad alive again when around his cousins and family

*  had to get my drivers’ license renewed.  Not a bad picture, but it looks like I have a piece of white paper on side of my nose

*  for the record, I did *not* have anything on my nose or side of my nose

*  something happened between picture being taken and the dl running through the machine

*  That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! >:D

*  I stopped at three gas stations today to get gasoline

*  the first station just ticked me off because they have the credit card readers taped up!  And then they would not authorize gas pump without me prepaying!!!

*  There was NO prepay signs up!  Ticked me off!  So I left.  Nanny nanny boo boo!  They didn’t get my $$!

*  The next gas station I stopped at was in a funky and cramped corner and I just left.  Didn’t want or need to deal with that!

*  The next station I stopped at, everything went fine until …

*  I had paid for the gas and some stupid idiot had just stopped his car and blocked me from leaving! 

*  believe me, there was NO call for blocking me!  Tons of free space w everywhere! 

*  ai ai ai!  (think Desi off of I Love Lucy, saying this to Lucy)  Someone was just trying my last nerve!

*  more red lights than green and ALL of the crazies were out in full force!  First of the month crazies!;)

*  had some Sonic sweet tea during happy hour = Yum!

*  bbq sandwiches and potato salad for supper. 

*  all in all, not a bad day.  Those crazies just better make sure and not cross my path anymore or they will see me sprout two more heads, spitting and flaming!  Hah!

🙂

I am watching Mountain Men on the History channel tonight.  It is pretty interesting to watch and see the three different men they are following.  In the back of my head these past few years, I have thought I would like to live in the middle of nowhere (basically just to get away from people and live in peace).. but I am thinking I would redefine my definition of “living out in the middle of nowhere”. Ha! 

My son, my neice Ty, and I went walking at the track this evening.  We had a good walk.  My son and I walked 1 mile and Ty walked 1 1/4 miles.  That may not seem like much, but considering it is our third night of walking, I think it is pretty darn good! Lol. I am proud of us. 😉

We had a good weekend last weekend.  It was a hodgepodge of running here and doing this and then running there to do something else.  We didn’t go to my friend, Polly’s house like we had the two previous weekends.  They were supposed to be going out of town but something came up and they did not go.  I know they were bummed but also a tad bit relieved that they could just stay home and relax.  I don’t figure we will go up and visit them this weekend, but sometimes we fly by the seat of our pants.. and we wind up doing things we had not planned on.  Having said that, there have been times we have sat at home, pleased as punch to be doing nothing important.

There hasn’t been a whole lot of excitement around here lately. We have just been laying low.  Sis and Bub start their jobs come Monday.  I believe they are excited about it.  It gets them some spending money as well as money for school clothes and school supplies.  Work isn’t going to hurt them and it will teach them the value of a dollar.  And working will also help them from getting bored.  And it is just for six weeks.. they still get at least five weeks of vacation before school starts back, so it is all good. 

I need to find out how to stretch properly before and after walking.. the muscles in my legs are tight and kind of hurting.  I don’t want to hurt myself and not be able to walk.  Exercising really IS a great stress reliever!  And just maybe, I can sleep well tonight and insomnia won’t be visiting. 😉